A Writer Dealing with Depression

Somedays are different that others but today I woke up not the same. It is weird since there is nothing out of the extraordinary today; at least that’s what I think, unless I am too blind not to see the reality. Anyway, I woke up feeling a estrange sensation in my whole body and mind. I can’t explain why I feel like that. Sometimes there is no reason at all, it just happens, or the reasons are so well hidden in my unconscious. It is Monday. So what? Let me tell you that Mondays are my favorite day of the week. In the past it was horrible not to be able to see the first kid a raised because it too far. I used to pick him up on Friday nights and drive him back on Sunday morning. That was a 6 years routine. Of course on Monday I was feeling lonely as hell. After a long weekend with him I couldn’t have enough of him, it was so incredible and all of a sudden I have to leave him. I assume many single parents go through that situation, not likeable at all. But that is in my past, hey, I kno

My son is with me as I write. He has gotten a bowl full with fried potato chips. We just ate lunch but he seems to be hungry probably because of the fact grandpa is always willing to satisfy his whims. It is difficult to raise a child, but it seems more difficult to raise a child when he is living in his grandparents’ house. I do appreciate the effort and love they give him, however they are weak with his whims as any other grandparents. Mother even works on Saturdays which is horrible for a mother so I take care of him on weekends. Since I move out and I haven’t settled yet, I am not able to take him to my place for one night. Our relationship is strong but he knows he can have whims in his grandparents’ house because this is his territory. I love him so much and despite the fact that we don’t live together I am most of the time with him, especially since I move closer. It takes me 10 minutes to get here. Time is not the problem when raising a kid but quality time. I Think I hav

I do not intend this post to be about superstition or things of that nature. Nor I believe in self-help bibliography. I don’t believe in any of them. I only believe in observation and experimentation. I have spent most of my life doing so. Why? It is my tendency, my nature, my way of being, nothing I forced myself with. From my perspective we all have energy which can be good or bad, negative or positive. Even if you are a nice person you might have attitudes that are negative or despotic. Irritability is also a behavior full of negativity. Energy is transmitted all the time. The Sun is a source of energy, in good weather conditions and in quantities that are helpful depending on each living being we absorb energy, process energy and react to that energy. Too much energy can be bad, and too little energy can be not good enough. Energy is just energy, good or bad. Human beings also transmit and irradiate energy, god or bad. If you surround yourself with shit there is a humongous

Recently, probably a year or more, I have become an ultra-secluded human being, by own choice and by no means resulting in a revolutionary state of mind, anarchy against the world or any other fantasy that one can imagine. I was just tired of not being myself, of trying to do what others expect me to do, instead of doing what I want to do or what I like to do, or whatever the hell I wanted to do. So I was free for a while, at least that was what I thought. I enjoyed every second of it, just like a boy sucks the honey from his fingers after eating pancakes with his bare hands, oh!, what a pleasure! Here I am, I can write but my right hand is still hurting from a tendinitis, one more illness to my suffered skeleton. I can do most things like washing plates, shower, clean up my apartment but after a few minutes it just hurts a little too much. Well, it was worst a couple of weeks ago; I was really crying, literally crying out loud because I could not bear the pain. So I guess I am becom

I am a writer and I have a blog which I started last year but because I lack the time to write I stopped posting articles. I was definitely thinking about restarting my project and it was only by coincidence that Franca and I got in contact, she is in the UK and I’m in Peru, the Incas’ Land. In order to contribute to her blog we thought it might be a good idea to write about parenting, which is a subject I know about, but at the same time one difficult to manage because my own story is completely different from what you might expect. I thought, I cannot talk about love and caring for a child after what I have been through in my life, so I better be open about it and deal with it. Things are, one way or another different, but nevertheless unique and I consider that what happened to me was unique. Here is my story. I received a call about 10 years ago from a recent ex-girlfriend, she suggested going for a walk to talk. I said yes, ok, let’s do it. She told me something I wa

There is a subject that I have never talked about, it is something in me that will stay with me for the rest of my life, that is why I use the subject “Dealing with Depression” in this article and hopefully in others to come. Depression is an illness that statistically affects approximately ten percent of the population, regardless of your place of birth or any other parameters. It does affect men or women. The truth is that we all get depressed at one point of our lives, it is normal, we are not robots but when we can not overcome the effects of depression just by having a conversation or eating an ice cream, or going to see a movie, then we have a problem. I’m not a medic, I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist. I’m just a simple and barely a normal person that suffers from depression. I will try to explain what happens to me so others can relate to this illness by understanding better somebody that suffers from it or by helping others that have the same condition.

This blog is created by me. My name is Flavio Vaccarella, I live in Lima, and I am a writer and a father. I currently have forty four years of age. I suffer from depression a while ago and the intention of this site is to write about some issues that happened to me with the entirely goal of sharing my experiences. It might be of great use for young people that are suffering from depression in its many variables, and perhaps they do not have other people to relate with. At the same time it might be helpful to get a better perspective of this disease for others than do not suffer from it, but have siblings, friends or love ones diagnosed with depression. Let’s start by throwing you a picture of me. I have another site where I write about my thoughts and I barely show off my face. I do not like that all. I think I am not photogenic and it is true. I have a great deal of denial when I see a picture of me, and worst when I am on film. I do not recognize the person